God, she's like Lex Luthor to my Superman. I get the following from her today after I have pestered her only once about when my homestudy will be ready.
Sue is working on your study. We need some paperwork. We need a copy
of your birth certificates, marriage license and divorce decrees and
your certificate you took the online training course "Eyes Wide Open".
In the China adoption we did not need these because we were just
updating your move here but for this one we have to have those.
Now I called this woman in early August to inquire about my update and what I would need. Why, Ruth, why couldn't you have pulled my files then and told me I would need to get these documents to you? It just makes me hate you more and feel like you are even less qualified than I originally thought to do your job. Are other adopting parents working with this agency having as much trouble with this waterhead as I am? I tried to call the director today after I received the email to complain and ask that my case be transferred to someone else within the agency. But of course she is on vacation and her pleasant-voiced message referred all callers to her administrative assistant Ruth if they needed immediate assistance. Is Ruth vastly overworked and the agency underfunded to hire someone to help her? Probably. But here I have to project my inner Peter Parker and say "Not my problem." Yes, I know this attitude got his Uncle Ben killed blah, blah, blah. It's going to kill me if I keep having to deal with this ridiculously incompetant woman.
I'm calming down now, but I was so filled up with frustration when I got this email that tears literally popped out of my eyes. Not the rolling down the cheek kind, but the angry kind that seem to leap out of your face. I called everyone I could think of to talk me down and no one is available. Dear old blog, you will have to play therapist for now.
Does encountering numerous brick walls and hurdles in the quest to get to the thing you want signal that maybe you should proceed with caution in obtaining your goal, that maybe this thing isn't right for you and the universe is giving you plenty of opportunity to back out? Or does it mean that nothing worth getting is easy and if you want it that bad, you are going to have to chew glass to get it? I know this is just a very minor issue in finishing my homestudy, and of course I will complete the course, whatever it is, and get the paperwork to Rrrruth, but all of these bumps, little and big crop up at every corner. Is that the lesson? That it's never smooth sailing in getting a kid, having a kid, raising a kid? I'm trying to find the lesson in these bumps to make sense of it all, the difficulty, the frustration, the hurt and the anger that patches my road to starting my family. Because if I don't look for the lesson, let alone consider the possible answers, I will cave in emotionally. There HAS to be a reason. To persevere with this, I'm forced to be philosophical about it. Oh, man the next person that tells me how easy their adoption process or pregnancy was is going to get a sharp stick in the eye from me....
Time to chew more glass....
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