RUTH!

She strikes again. I swear I need super powers just to get around this woman.

I sent a request to Ruth (Home Study Agency, arch nemesis - super powers entail a deep streak of evil and uncanny ability to delay any and all adoption paperwork despite it being part of her cover job ) on January 9th with some more documents that needed updating for our dossier, which is in Moscow at the moment. I sent a nice, fluffy little email telling her I hoped she had a restful holiday, keeping it happy, upbeat. It went something like this:

Hi Ruth,
I hope you had a good holiday and got some time off!
I received the following from AFC this week. I feel like we’ve done the interagency and commitments a thousand times, but perhaps I’m getting my countries and multiple renewals confused. Megan says I’m getting close, but it’s hard for me to believe.
Could you take care of numbers 2,3,4 below? The last three attachments above correspond to those requirements.
Thanks for your help. The address for the agency is attached to her signature below.

Best,

Meg Burdash

I sent this with the necessary documents neatly attached and numbered. After a few days with no response I sent this:

Hi Ruth,
I sent you an email earlier this week with a few more pieces of paperwork for my dossier. Would you confirm that you received it?
Thank you,
Meg Burdash

That same day I received this response:

Yes I believe I did.
Ruth
Senior Administrative Assistant
Adoption Program

What kind of a response is that? "I believe I did"??? What about yes or no? Is it taken care of? An estimate of when it will be taken care of? An acknowledgment of my kind, post-holiday words? Anything? I'm trying to adopt a baby here! You'd think I was trying to panhandle from her.

I decide it's time to call in the big guns. I have Justin draft out a very legal sounding letter to the director, expressing our dissatisfaction with Ruth and the whole communication process with her and suggest that she find someone else for us to correspond with as Ruth seems far too busy. I plan on sending it Monday the 14th.

And then....I chicken out. Monday comes and I think, maybe Ruth has sent the paperwork already. She has such a curt manner as I've so painfully learned from past exchanges. Maybe this is just her way of saying "done and done". I've got so many more miles to go with this agency and I need for us to be a team! See, how I conveniently forget that I am PAYING them to be on my team. Oh, it's twisted, man. I don't send the email to the director. I know. I am an idiot.

A week passes with no response from my adoption agency or the home study agency and I begin to feel like I've done the right thing. I've kept the relationship with Ruth on the strained, unfriendly note she seems to prefer but let her take care of the paperwork in her own timeline. An uneasy truce, but I can live with it.

I get this today from my adoption agency:

Can you give me an estimate of when your home study agency will have the documents to me? The folks in Moscow are asking. Thanks.


Have you seen that movie Clue where Madeline Kahn, playing Mrs. White describes why she killed her husband? She gets into that hilarious Madeline Kahn high-pitched voice and says "I hated him so much... flames, there were flames on the side of my face...panting, heaving flames..." and then she kind of fades out, unable to describe in adequate depth the level of hatred she felt for said departed, murdered husband.

That is the precise feeling I got when I received Megan's email above asking about my f-ing documents. And I'm quite sure some of that heat was directed at myself and my chicken-shit reaction to Ruth. I deserved what I got.

I picked up the phone toute suite after receiving that and called the director of the home study agency. I now understand why Ruth is such a slacker. The director listened to my problems and the issues I was having with Ruth, or at least I thought she did, and then told me how they were under a tremendous deadline at the moment with DHS and that was why Ruth hadn't gotten to it today. Which clearly showed me she wasn't listening because I had explained to her that I had made this request last week and was having an ongoing communication problem with Ruth. My dossier is in Moscow right now! They are waiting on you people! Help me! I feel like Tom Cruise here - Help me help you!

I couldn't care less about their deadline with DHS!! Where is the professionalism? Where is the customer service? An apology perhaps? I am paying these people thousand of dollars to get this right for me and support me with this adoption and I feel like I am holding THEIR hand and walking them through the process. How can you conduct a business this way? Although I guess if you're dealing with DHS, you can get away with pretty much anything.

I will try not to let her dampen my spirits or give me indigestion with this latest transgression. I must put out the heaving, breathing flames at the side of my face and re-gain the excitement and enthusiasm that I've been enjoying for the past few weeks. But I swear to you Ruth, hater of international adoption and all kind people everywhere, when you call and ask if I have received the invoice for your services, I'm going to wait many, many jig-dancing weeks before responding, "Why yes, I believe I did".